dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
