I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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