That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
