giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
