someone get that fucking seahorse.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
