I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
