Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
