Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
