I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
