rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
