I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
