I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
