you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize