Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
