Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Randomize