If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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