I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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