you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
