I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm jealous of your bromance
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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