the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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