How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
