Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
