Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
