so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
