I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
