Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
