i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
