i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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