Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
His nipple licking is glorious
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize