Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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