Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
