Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
