i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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