Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
