It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
