Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
