I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize