I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
