If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
