I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
