Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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