everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
