You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
