I want to have your abortion
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
