A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
