i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
