it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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