It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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