Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
