He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
