Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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