they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
