And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
