Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
