Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
