I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
