Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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