At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
