brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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