Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
