Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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