so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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