Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
