I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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