I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
