I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He has the fingertips of a God
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
