omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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