but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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