He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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