Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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