I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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