guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
