I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
