Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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