If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
