I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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