1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
