dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize