I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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