yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
