best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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