So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
