Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
